What We Crave

“We all love to be praised and celebrated. We want a name for ourselves. We crave a platform of respect. We desire to be important to other people. We want our work to be appreciated. In some shape or form, this is true for all of us — perhaps especially for pastors and Christian leaders.” ~Joseph Tenney

And moms. We want this too.

This work of being a mom is hard. Really, really hard.

(Sidenote: We can all say things are hard and not be complaining but be genuinely true to who we are and our situations. This is me, today, in these words to you. I say what I say from a place of truth, not complaint or discontent.)

Today, the hard things in my motherhood are sit on my couch and cry alone while my husband works out of town and my kids are sleeping kind of hard.

My son is just having a hard time, kindness and gentleness are not coming easy to him and self-control just seems like a myth. My daughter is just at a tough age, big enough to want to do some of her own things but not quite big enough to figure out what those things are, she’s frustrated and so am I. My next daughter is constantly running back and forth and back and forth, it is just plain exhausting. And the baby, sweet baby. So many sweet smiles and yet he cried so so so much today.

This work of being a mom is hard. Really, really hard.

At the end of the day I sit on my couch and I do cry. Then I begin to examine my actions.

I am doing everything I know how to do to be the right mom to these kids. I played soccer out in the 40 degree weather, I curled hair just because, I said ‘ready set go’ for the hundredth time and I put that baby in a wrap and washed dishes at the same time.

I do want to be praised and celebrated. I do want my work to be appreciated.

This work of being a mom is hard. Really, really hard.

At the end of the day I sit on my couch and I do cry. Then I begin to examine my heart.

Who do I do this hard work for? What am I seeking? How am I letting this role of mom define who I really am?

I want a platform of respect from these little people running at my heels.

This work of being a mom is hard. Really, really hard.

I don’t do this work of being a mom for them. I don’t do this work of being a mom for my husband, or my friends or for you.

I do this work of being a mom for love. I do it because I have been called to this moment, this place, these kids, by a God who loves and cares and knows.

In the midst of my desperation in the really, really hard I flipped open the Book of Common Prayer for today and read…

Hear my cry, O God,
listen to my prayer;

from the end of the earth I call to you
when my heart is faint.
Lead me to the rock
that is higher than I,
for you have been my refuge,
a strong tower against the enemy.
Let me dwell in your tent forever!
Let me take refuge under the shelter of your wings! Selah
Psalm 61:1-4

This work of being a mom is hard. Really, really hard.

As the hard days come I do think about the things I want out of this life. Yet in my heart of hearts there is a song that sings a melody of love.

It may never happen. My children may never praise me or celebrate me. They may never respect me as much as I think they should or appreciate me in the ways I feel I deserve.

Even if they don’t, I will love them. I will still do the hard things for them, it is who I was meant to be, it is what I was meant to do for love.

Fall

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*Please go and read my friend Joseph’s whole article. It spoke to deep places in my heart. He goes on to say…

“There is a misconception that love for God should somehow spontaneously erupt in the life of the Christian. And yet, we all actively create scenarios that make us happy. We spend calculated time planning dinner parties and weekend getaways and vacations, actively planning things that we know will make us happy. But somehow we just assume our love for God should sprout from nowhere. It takes effort. It takes time to see him. If we don’t see him with the eyes of our heart, we can’t authentically fear him; if we don’t fear him, then we will be overcome by all the fears and worries of this world and miss out on our chief purpose on this planet — to glorify and enjoy him. If we don’t see him, we will end up making the aim of our life our own renown, rather than his.”

Talk about putting my motherhood role in perspective…

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