Humans are amazing. We have the ability to reason. Just because we can reason doesn’t always mean we do!
We can reason on our own. This is a good thing, it is how we make choices.
We also reason with other people. Talking things out with another human being brings a whole new perspective to whatever situation you are facing.
Just like the song says, everybody needs somebody.
Parents and siblings and even the Difficult Minded child himself, they all need a person. A person they are not related to. Someone who knows them well but has an outside perspective. There are so many variables with the Difficult Mind that having that outside person is what can get everyone through the day.
The Siblings Person
Our kids are still really young (5, 2.5, 8 months) so they don’t have a “person” quite yet. However, we try really hard, especially with our 5 year old, to encourage outside relationships. For our daughters this means there are a couple Jr. High girls that they just love. We try really hard to have those girls babysit or invite them over or just spend a few extra minutes talking to them when we are out and about.
These girls bring a little bit of normal to my girls. They love them no matter what kind of day it has been at our house. They also know them well enough to ask more personal questions and engage them in their interests.
As the siblings of our son grow we hope that they will have a close friend who will be willing to understand the hard stuff in their life and not run away from it. We also hope that each of our kids will find an adult mentor that will breathe new life and excitement into them when our home life is so hard.
The Difficult Minds Person
Right now the person for our son is his therapist. He trusts, admires and listens to the therapist. He knows the therapist cares for him no matter what kind of week it has been.
This thought made me both sad and a little hopeful. Since my son struggles with loneliness I am glad that right now he has a person, even if it is a therapist. I am also grateful that there are men and women who dedicate their lives to loving kids like my son. Often a therapist is the only link between my son and hope.
I do hope that as our son matures, he will find a friend or two who will accept him for who he is and be kind and compassionate enough to push him when he needs it.
As much as I love my husband he is not my person! In order to keep our marriage alive and healthy we each need to have someone outside our home that hears us and cares for us in the midst of this crazy life.
I feel doubly blessed because I feel like I have lots of persons. I am a part of a community of moms who are amazing. They have done everything from my dishes to emergency childcare. They aren’t scared of our kind of crazy and they often know what I need when I don’t. I would have never survived this past Wednesday if it had not been for each one of them.
The circle does get smaller as the Difficult Mind gets harder. Just like I won’t share every bit of ugly here on this blog, I don’t want to really do that in a big group either. I want my son to feel like his dignity is in tact with the adults he knows and interacts with.
There are two women in particular that are my people.
One of them has been to the depths and back with me. She has seen it all. She has been scared with me and for me. She has cried with me and held me when I cried. The beauty of what we have lies deeply in our history together.
Then there’s another mom, just like me, right where I live. Sure her child is a different age and struggles with similar but not the exact things as our family, but she knows. And she hopes. She has coffee with me and tells me her stories, she speaks the hard truth when I need to hear it. She isn’t afraid to be sad and happy or angry and forgiving all at once. It really is amazing grace to have her as a person on this journey.
We all need people. We were not created to be alone. Whatever path you are on, reach out to your person today. Tell them they are loved and cherished, they need to hear it just as much as you do.
“Hope and sorrow in it all there’s rescue and there’s not.”
There’s Rescue: Even on this hard journey I feel amazingly loved. It is taking everything in me not to list out the many women (and some men) who support me on this road. Community has a deep place on this hard journey and I couldn’t ask for a better one.
There’s Not: While I feel loved, I think finding a person is much harder for all my kids. Their limited understanding of what is happening in our family makes it hard. I want to pray more that they will each have a person on this journey.
Today I am thankful for friends. Acts of love, kindness and compassion have been poured out into my life without me ever saying a word. My community is its own miracle and I will be forever grateful.