I got up, got everyone in motion and still just didn’t have it in me. When everyone was in a safe, still place I went and laid in my already made bed.
In the dark. In the quiet.
In a moment of divine intervention I just started confessing.
I confess I don’t have the desire to take on today, I really just want to do my own thing. I confess that one more day on this schedule with my oldest child just seems more than I can stand. I confess that I am a little weary of changing diapers and doing laundry. and playing dutiful housewife when the only thing I want to be sorting through are my own thoughts. I confess that today I can’t see beyond myself even though I really want to.
What do we do when we feel defeated and the race hasn’t even started? Hide? Yell? Ignore? Or maybe we question our worth or our calling?
But maybe instead of falling down that dark spiral of defeat we find a way out. Locate the weight and try something new. Can I suggest the practice of confession?
Confession doesn’t have to be in the ancient language of the mystics that sounds more like poetry than sin slaying. It doesn’t have to be to a priest or your best girlfriend. Your confession doesn’t require a rehearsal or an outline.
You only need 2 things for confession. You and the Truth.
That morning underneath my once neatly fluffed pillow as my kids ate their yogurt I took the truth, spoke it aloud and laid it in Jesus midst.
It wasn’t a pretty truth but God already knew that. It wasn’t even followed by lightning bolts or audible voices.
In those few imperfect moments I didn’t all the sudden want to change but I felt peace that I could change.
Confession had been given. Grace had been sought. Peace had been received.
I walked out of my room back into to my current rhythm as mom of 4 and the peace of God presided.
Next time you encounter that moment where life just seems too much find a quiet corner and confess. Cast your burdens and your cares. The God who sees you, knows you and loves you encounters you there, in the darkest moments, and promises light.
Peace be with you.
Linking up today with Unforced Rhythms