Summer bleeds into fall…August 4, 2014
In just 3.5 short weeks we will be back on the school schedule. In just 4.5 more weeks my lovely community of moms will reconvene and I will find a new rhythm of study and prayer. In just 5.5 weeks I may not even remember what summer felt like.
This changing season has snuck up on me. I feel like this is also reflective of my personal life.
In the first 6 months of this year we have welcomed a new member to our family, I have stepped down from 2 jobs, my husbands schedule has shifted and our life rhythm has changed.
I am just now noticing our change of pace. More accurately I am just now yielding to our change of pace.
It is impossible to keep up the same tempo of work and not working, 4 kids instead of 3 and every other weekend with all of us home instead of spending all my weekends as a single parent.
I recently sat in church and listened to a sermon that spoke deeply about Ecclesiastes, the meaning of life and the beauty of God. Seasons.
Life happens in seasons.
When the seasons change we have two choices: See the change and move with it, ignore the change and fight against it.
I think I have unconsciously been fighting against the changing season.
Without thinking I have been holding tightly to what was. I have tried to hold on to the working me. The commitment to being available and in the know and on call. The professional me that dresses for the job I want, schedules the children rigidly and constantly keeps on task in order to accomplish everything. I have tried to do with 4 kids what I did with 3. (While not impossible I don’t recommend this, babies need rest!) And then I wonder why I am tired, drained, unable to see the joy. Swimming against the current is hard work.
I see the summer ending and the fall on the horizon and am now choosing to move with the change.
I know deep down I can not do it all. It is obvious that I am no longer working outside my home and our family has grown by one. All of the sudden I am ready to embrace all that this season has to offer. I am putting on yoga pants and mowing the lawn at midday rest time. We are sitting on the porch swing just a few minutes past bedtime as we look for the moon. Deep breaths replace deep sighs and I begin to see joy around me.
I see God peeling away my former self and calling forth a new part of who I am created to be.
As this season comes I can’t claim to have it all figured out. I don’t have a big goal that will signify my arrival or completion of this season, I’m not even entirely sure what to expect. All I know is that I feel it.
Today I sit in grace. Change is coming. Watchful, attentive, willing to move with the season, not against it.
Linking today with Unforced Rhythms.