The song lyrics “never gonna get it” keep floating through my mind. It is exactly how I feel about my relationship with my son at the moment.
I was texting with a friend this week and we were asking each other how do we overcome the days when we just can’t seem to pull it together.
At the end of a long week I’ve wondered if I’m even capable of being a good mom to my kids. (Rest assured that deep down I think I can but it sure is hard to have confidence in the hard moments.)
Sitting in church on Sunday I was just listening. The lyrics of the songs, the reading of the Psalms, the proclamation of scripture.
Truth. We have to live lives permeated with truth. And not just the pretty, beautiful truths but the ugly, hard ones too.
This past week was a week of hard truths.
- It is true that I have a child who struggles with the daily simplicities of life.
- It is true that those struggles affect our whole family.
- It is true that my physical body is hurting and exhausted.
- It is true that this season of my life is hard.
And I mourn.
- I am sad for my child who struggles and deeply wish I could make it easier.
- I am sad for the siblings, knowing they didn’t choose this family or these struggles.
- I am sad for me. When the idyllic motherhood I imagined is crashing down around me, my mom heart hurts.
- I am sad for my family and the things that will never be.
Truth in the difficult. My hard days and my mourning in this season are real. This is where I meet God.
I’ve spent so much time praying amidst my tears, filling my days with the words of scripture and unburdening myself to the One who carries us all.
And it is still hard and I still mourn.
And this is Grace. This is the beauty of being in relationship with the God of the universe.
In the deepest darkest parts of my humanity God continues to love me unconditionally and in that same place I see Him and am thankful for who He is and what He does in the world.
We can not change our humanity. Our hard days are hard and our sad days are sad.
The beauty in the darkness is we know we won’t stay here. New days will come. Mourning can be turned to dancing. Humanity will one day be restored to perfect beauty.
This is grace. This is God. This is me seeing the whole truth on a hard day.
*If you are in the midst of hard days can I encourage you? Walk through today. Be honest in the difficult but don’t lose hope. God is in the midst of your humanity today and still loves you deeply.
Linking up with Unforced Rhythms.