I Love My Littles…

I think I have been trying to deny it for quite awhile. I mean, I am not that bedraggled mom with 3 kids under the age of 5 who looks like she might need 3 weeks of sleep, a good shower and some (more) coffee.

oh. wait.

Yes, yes I am.

And before this stage passes I want to stop and relish it. I really do love my littles. Our oldest just turned 6, with girly about to turn 4 and baby not so far behind. This stage will not last forever.

Part of me is a tiny bit sad that I may not have taken it all in like I could have, but then there is grace. Then there are so many fun things, sweet things, forever things that I will remember about these moments. The little moments matter.

So today, this last summer with all the kids home, I want to live it and love it, every little bit. For tomorrow will come and the littles will be something new, different and I am sure just as wonderful.

Sleep can wait…

Every Good and Perfect Thing…

It’s raining out, my kids have run off to the Kid Fun Zone (the space formally known as the play room) and I am curled up with my coffee and a goofy smile plastered on my face.

Recently I’ve been learning about slowing, solitude and prayer. As I have gone back to the simplicity of these practices and away from the over structured self-righteous moments they can become when repeated so often, I have seen love and joy begin to reappear.

So here, on this drizzly Friday might you share in the joy?

With Children…

…as I discussed the book “Heaven is for Real” with my 6yr old he said “I want to talk to Jesus for real.” When I said “He wants to be right there in your heart” my son looked at his chest, gave a little wave and said “Hi Jesus!”

…Watching our sweet 15 month old “get down” with her 3yr old sister in the kitchen. Dance moves like that will be permanently twirling in my memory.

With Friends…

…My heart leapt when our friends hopped into the grass with our 6yr old as he organized us all into a baseball team. Friends that love out kids enough to be directed by them are precious.

…As I sat and poured out the difficult heart moments to friends it was a blessing to have them stop, lay hands and pray over me. Not in my plan for the day but I am so blessed by God’s people.

In Life…

…It’s so fun to open my email at the end of the day to find sweet and encouraging notes.

…To think about reading and discussing words on a page with another woman feeds my soul.

At the end of this week I realize that I have no ability to create this kind of joy. It is all a gift from the Father.

Where have you been gifted with joy today?

So much grace, So much hope

Hug!

How many times have you said “I’m with you on that.” or “Yes, I’ll do that with you.” And how many times have you really held up your end of that commitment?

Recently I spent some time with a friend and I was able to experience exactly what it means to really be WITH someone.

You see, my oldest is having some life difficulties.  Since he’s only 6, his life difficulties affect the whole family. It can be frustrating and demanding and as a mom, just downright embarrassing to deal with.

A  friend and I had an opportunity to meet up and bring our kids along for a few days of fun and refreshment. Mere hours into this little adventure I realized fun and refreshment may not be on the agenda for the weekend.

As I stood in the middle of a public place, tears beginning to fall, my friend reminded me that she was there, WITH me.  She instantly sprang to my side, gave me a much needed squeeze, asked if she could do anything and when I was too emotionally exhausted to respond, she made sure my daughter was taken care of and that my son was stable.

In this difficult season I felt as if my friend was truly WITH me. She did not make me feel embarrassed or incompetent, she did not withdraw or make a scene. She stood with me, in my weakness, like a rock.

Friends, this is what scripture means when it says

“…walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love…” Ephesians 4:1-2

My sweet friend was Jesus to me in that moment. We are sisters in Christ and it was her calling in that moment to be truly with me, in body and in spirit.

Each moment counts! Each time we choose to be truly with someone instead of simply next to them, near them or just around them, we can be Jesus in their lives.

Small? Simple? Maybe.  Insignificant, no. My friend blessed me in many ways in our short hours together, but this moment, this moment held so much grace, so much hope that here, long after the moment has passed, my heart is still full and I am able to continue in these difficult days because of her.

Today, be with someone. You never know what opportunity God has given you to change a life.

And then there were no friends…

“And he heard the conversation, and hadn’t enjoyed it much either, because he kept on thinking that the others were taking no notice of him and trying to give him the cold shoulder. They weren’t, but he imagined it.”

Have you ever been in a room or group where a conversation was happening and you felt on the outside of it? Were you really being left out or were you choosing to be left out?

We are reading The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe to our son (again). Every time I read through it I am intrigued that there are still new things to learn.

In the quote above Edmond has already associated himself with evil but is currently in the presence of good. He reacts to the presence of good by creating a false reality of evil or loneliness.

I read this, put my son to bed, and read it again. I am Edmond.

Recently I was in a room of women I love and who love me in return. Yet, I felt left out and on the outside and IT WASN’T THEIR FAULT. It was mine!

I was having a rough day, I was struggling through and had given in to pity and doubt. I wasn’t seeing the thanksgiving and grace in my day and had adopted an attitude of selfishness and pride. I had danced with evil.

My evil (sinful) self encountered the grace and good of community love and I choose evil (self-pity).

I CHOSE IT. Just like Edmond, I was sure I had a right to selfishness and the good I was in the midst of wasn’t real. I grumbled and felt sorry for myself all day and yet I had CREATED this event in my head that did not at all reflect the reality of the situation.

God is gracious in that my daily time with my son revealed my own sin. I was able to see clearly that I made a poor decision and I suffered for it. It would have been a much better joy to set self aside and engage in community.

My son doesn’t remember, but even though Edmond chooses the Queen initially, he comes around to exploring good. Edmund gets a second chance.

Today, God reminded me of my second chance.

2 Peter 3:9 (ESV)

“The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.”

Today is your second chance. Reclaim the beauty of the good!

Just say “Thank You” already

The weather was finally lovely and we had an afternoon to enjoy it. The kids asked if we could take the wagon out so they all 3 piled in and we did.

Not 5 minutes into our walk a woman in her 60′s walked by, smiled and said “You have really wonderful children.” I nodded and said “Just out enjoying the beautiful day.”

She obviously wanted me to understand what she meant because she said “To sit that close and not F-I-G-H-T, I know they are really good kids.” I gave a half smile and didn’t really answer.

Later into the walk we passed a friend driving who waved and said “I love seeing you out with your wagon full of sweetness.” I politely smiled and said have a great day.

As we kept walking and chatting and enjoying the day I felt that Holy Spirit twinge we moms get now and then when we’ve missed something. It dawned on me that I was unable to say thank you.

My exhausted mom mind and body outweighed my willing and ever softening mom heart in those moments.

Before we left for our walk my oldest two had a bit of a harsh conversation on the porch and while I love the wagon, lugging 100lbs of kids was something I had to talk myself into when we first started out. That’s what was going on inside when God sent encouragement and love my way.

The more I thought about it the more I was saddened by missing such a great opportunity. A stranger and a friend complimented my children. It was the perfect moment to not only say thank you but speak words of praise in their presence, over them and about them.

Sure, in the scheme of life it is a small moment, but oh how my heart hurts. I should take every opportunity to encourage my child’s heart and confirm the right and positive things others see in them.

And, if I can not do this one little moment at a time, then when? A big bear hug or a public pat on the back always feels good but it’s the truthful whispers said into our ears that mean the most.

Our walk ended and we played outside and all was well but I am changed.

Sometimes God speaks loudly but on many days it is the quiet whisper of the Spirit that changes my heart forever.

Next time, I will say Thank You.

What I learned in the shower…

It was one of those mornings where it was just hard to get moving. I was having trouble being thankful for the new mercies I had been given in this new day and I heard myself say

“If only I knew what God wanted from me.”

WHAT?!?

My own thoughts caught me entirely off guard. Who was this person looking back at me in the mirror having these thoughts?

It was this moment that reminded me of those new mercies and the many things of life…

Sure, my confession of angst seems common, maybe even righteous, but it goes against the MANY things God has been teaching me.

“If Only”

If only is one of the most ungrateful statements that rolls off my lips.

We say it all the time…if only I had more space, if only I could work more, if only I had more time, if only…

Is what I have not enough? The clothes on my back, roof over my head, food on my table? One of my favorite anonymous quotes out there says “Someone is happy with less than what you have.” And it’s true.

My statement wasn’t a statement about stuff though. My statement was one of knowledge. If only I KNEW…

This is just as self serving and ungrateful as wanting stuff. Knowledge, while not a physical possession, is something that we tie value to. Knowing can make us feel powerful, in control, just like stuff can.

Standing in the new morning saying “If only I knew” was selfish. It was a reflection of my prideful, arrogant heart. I’m so thankful that in these moments God is gentle with me.

I know all I need to know in the present moment. God is, He loves me and His grace covers me. Is that not enough? When did His ultimate life giving sacrifice become small in my eyes and heart?

And yet even in this moment God chose to allow his love, wisdom and grace to prevail and lead me back to Him.

“What God Wants From Me”

I think of it now and I almost laugh like I do when one of my kids has a “duh” moment and catches themselves. What God wants from me. DUH.

It seems as if I have forgotten grace. DUH!

I am first reminded that there is NOTHING that I can give God to make Him want me or love me any more than he already does. NOTHING. His love for me is everlasting and perfect even in my darkest places.

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
(Psalm 139:11-12)

My heart begins to soften and joy begins to rise. I know what God wants from me.

He has shown you, O Mortal, what is good.
And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy,
and to walk humbly with your God.
(Micah 6:8)

It’s the walking humbly part that really pierces me this time. I’m reminded of Noah who while famous because of floods and arks actually had a magnificent legacy with God. He walked with God for almost 600 years before God used him in a big way.

“This is the account of Noah and his family. Noah was a righteous man, blameless among the people of his time, and he walked faithfully with God… Noah was 600 years old when the floodwaters came on the earth.” (Genesis 6:9, 7:6)

I am moved to confession, humility and joy. Today as each moment is dedicated to mercy and justice I first walk hand in hand with my Lord.

It is in that walk that I am reminded that I have everything I need and that whatever gifts I offer up to Him are ones given out of love and thanksgiving for all He has done for me.

With the if onlys and false offerings behind me I enter into today’s new mercies with thankfulness and joy.

“All is grace.” ~Ann Voskamp

You just don’t know until it happens to you…

I was reflecting on something I was recently involved in and realized my perspective has changed, I have changed.

Confession, I’ve been judgmental. Not in the “why did he wear those pants with those shoes” way but in the “who would ever make that life choice” kind of way.

It’s the harshest kind of judgment. Looking at people who I do not know, walking in a kind of shoes I’ve never seen and thinking that I know what is best for them.

Friends, this is not only unloving and unkind, it’s prideful. Pride unchecked leads to death…

Psalm 101:5
Whoever slanders his neighbor secretly I will destroy.
Whoever has a haughty look and and arrogant heart I will not endure.

And yet, thanks to grace, my perspective has changed. Oh sweet grace.

Grace just happens. And yet, how deeply we let it change our hearts is really up to us. We must move beyond accepting the idea of grace into the experience of grace.

Experiencing grace might just break your heart, it has mine.

I have stopped judging life choices made by others but it took an act of grace.

God put me in contact with people. With man, woman and teen. Being after being who had made a difficult, sometimes even poor, life choice. He begged me to love each person unconditionally and ask ‘why’. Why did you make that choice?

As I asked and listened with an open heart I heard story after story of heartbreak, despair and hurt. Choice made because it was the best of two bad choices, because it was made with as much information as was available however incomplete, choice made for the love of another suffering even deeper brokenness and despair.

And I saw Jesus. Saw him healing the sick, forgiving sins in the lives of the most sinful and eating and listening with the outcasts.

What Jesus understood that I needed to learn was that grace takes heart. Grace hears the hard story, cries with the broken and welcomes the outcast. Grace bears another’s burden.

And then, then grace offers hope. Hope is what happens when grace settles deeply in a soul.

It takes work, submission, discomfort…a willingness to stop judging and start intimately  listening to those who are different and distant from you. It is there that God works, grace shows her face and you go from believing that grace exists to experiencing it.

And then you will see the truth. That person, choice or lifestyle you’ve been judging from afar, it has a beating heart made in the image of the Creator. Their broken looks just like your broken.

We are all human. We are all broken. Who am I to judge your broken when I am already in a million pieces. Maybe my pieces seem less sharp or more manageable on the outside but broken is broken on the inside.

And grace is grace. The Grace that loves and heals my broken small shard by small shard wants NOTHING MORE than to love and heal your broken.

Psalm 34:18
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”

SAVED! This is for me, for you, we are saved!

And now, now I see my broken. And I give grace freely and I speak hope often because I just didn’t know until it happened to me.

Will you let grace happen to you?